As the lockdown forced us to keep away from our friends, there is a question about whether our friendships change as a result of this? 

Friendships are crucial, not only to our mental, emotional and overall health, but also to fulfil a deep evolutionary human need of social connections, feeling safe and supported. The most important aspect of friendships is building a close bond, sharing your life experiences with someone in a meaningful way. When friendships are based around trust, giving back and emotional vulnerability, they will be meaningful. Being socially connected not only influences psychological and emotional wellbeing, but it also has a significant and positive influence on physical wellbeing and overall longevity. 

Now as many of us carry the Web in our pockets, with constant access to some form of communication with friends, family, acquaintances and even complete strangers all around the world. So as we have all been limited to connect; as the lockdown unfolded, technology helped us stay in touch. When speaking with friends, sharing your thoughts and feelings, ups and downs and simply being yourself can be incredibly liberating. We know that just saying things out loud - especially when we are going through hard times - can be healing.

When it comes to connecting online - support from friends and online conversations can be a lifeline to some at this time. For those struggling with anxiety or depression, simply talking about things can be incredibly helpful. Moments of connection we share can help regulate heart rate and release a burst of the feel-good hormone oxytocin. 

However online even “friendship” has a different meaning. People we would consider acquaintances are immediately become online “friends”. In real life, it takes time to build friendships and for good reason. What’s the difference? The curated online presence. Online we can show what we want others to see. The authentic connection based on sharing your experiences, having fun, disagreeing, resolving conflict in real life goes away as you can stop and join conversations as you like; only be present when you choose and it even allows you to simply end a disagreement with a BLOCK button. 

Throughout the lockdown, continuing to engage with our friends online can help us keep connected, but by no means will replace the real face to face conversations. Online conversations can be easily disrupted by life happening around us; we get sidetracked, the connection can glitch; so they don’t flow naturally. We have to keep changing camera angles or sit still for an entire conversation.

There is also silence. When we are face to face with our friends, we can even share silence without feeling that we need to fill it with conversation. Online it changes as the dynamics of the conversation is very different. Is silence time to hang up? 

We know that loneliness is as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, is worse for a person's health than obesity, and increases the risk of early death by up to 32%, according to Brigham Young University in Utah in the United States. Conversely, being socially connected not only influences psychological and emotional wellbeing, but it also has a significant and positive influence on physical wellbeing and overall longevity.

When it comes to children and friendships, online friendships do not provide them with the social and emotional learning and development that they need. Every moment that a child is socialising online is a moment where they are not engaging with the real-world relationships that will prepare them for life. 

I have personally observed that whilst people do connect online, their experiences vary. They can be overwhelmed by the new way of communicating and feel it is too superficial to share anything meaningful through these conversations.

In some cases however, these calls can be energising and uplifting. For example there is the example of a weekly Friday night “cook together” friendship group who choose a recipe and cook it together whilst they chat, which is delightful. They then eat their dinners in ‘virtual togetherness’. These kinds of connections, sharing interests can be really helpful. 

Some parents told me that it also helped teach their children how to connect online with their friends so when it comes to nurturing long distance relationships, it can help them in the future. Great. So yes, online friendships have a place, but we need to emphasise that this lockdown situation is temporary and need to be encouraging kids to develop and foster their friendships in the real world as soon as it becomes possible because those experiences create connection and trust, the true foundation of long lasting friendships.

To hug or not to hug?

Sharing hugs and being physically close positively contributes to our overall wellbeing. So whilst we navigate the current social distancing world, and hugs seem something we will do again in the distant future; we still need to remember that physical touch is crucial to healthy social and emotional development. It helps us bond, improves our mood and promotes feelings of wellbeing and happiness. Lack of physical contact can have a detrimental effect on wellbeing, so whilst we social distance, we should still maintain touch and hugs where we can - people we live with and even stroking animals can help as petting animals can increase levels of oxytocin and decrease stress hormone cortisol. Pets can also help with reducing stress, anxiety and depression and help improve overall health.  

So now you can see a friend and go for a (socially distanced) walk. I highly recommend you do this as face to face meetings beat online any second of the day. Enjoy. 

Read more: https://metro.co.uk/2020/06/13/what-comes-next-physical-affection-smaller-circles-how-friendships-will-change-result-coronavirus-12788537/?ito=cbshare Twitter: https://twitter.com/MetroUK | Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MetroUK/